I Think: If you liked SNL's Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy, there'll probably be a thought or two you enjoy from this.
It's a Bad, Bad, Movie (Read anything with a rating of 5): This guy reviews B-movies that amused him. A special link to my favorite review
Things People Said: These are all good. I'll give some examples of what you'll find, specifically, my favorites. Here goes:
- Accident Quotations -
- "In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
- "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian."
- "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."
- "The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him."
- "I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car."
- "My contributions on product launches were based on dreams that I had."
- "I eat computers for lunch."
- "Graduated in the top 66% of my class."
- "Previous experience: Self-employed -- a fiasco."
- "Special skills: I've got a Ph.D. in human feelings."
- "My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend."
- "ONCE FOCUSED ON AN OBJECTIVE, I BELIEVE MYSELF TO HAVE AN UNDYING LUST FOR SUCCESS WITH ACCURACY AND EFFECIENCY."
- "Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron.
- "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.
- "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.
- "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.
- "I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall."
- "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door."
- "The toilet seat is cracked. Where do I stand?"
- "Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces."
- "The toilet is blocked, and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared."