One time, I was in a McDonalds, and the woman in front of me was (presumably) ordering for her family, although she was alone.
Woman: "I'll have 4 big macs, 2 large fries, and an 4 chocolate shakes"
Employee: "Is that for here or to go?"
Woman: (rudely) "Does it look like I'm going to eat this all here?"
Employee: "BITCH, I dont know your life!!"
More funny than rude, but still.
Post 1: I learned what marital status was when I about 18. For some reason I always read it as martial status, as in martial arts. I took karate when I was younger so on my first few job applications I wrote "yellow belt" instead of single.
Post 2: This is the best. I'm just imagining the people reading those applications. "Wtf … ?"
Kendell Sharecropping Experience:
[0:00] Here is the most racist field trip I have ever been on in my entire fucking life.
[0:03] They took us to a fuckin' cotton processing place, and there was a big-ass cotton field out in the middle of fuckin' raymond alabama, in the south of montgomery county.
[0:13] We went there, and me, and 28 other little niglets in Miss Harper's third-grade classroom, they took our asses out there, in the middle of the fuckin' august heat, and said "Hey, y'all ..."
[0:22] They gave us bags and shit, had little cute little plastic bags, with a cute - with a cotton puff person with a smile on his face, and they were like "Hey, y'all go out there, have fun, pick as much cotton as you want".
[0:35] And so my stupid ass went, you know, I went, my Mama signed off on it and and didn't think about it, and I went to the fuckin' field trip. I was in the fields just havin' a good ol' time.
[0:45] We were singin' songs and shit, out in the middle of the motherfuckin' field, picking goddamn cotton, in the middle of the fuckin' heat, and here I'm thinking: because it's a field trip, they told us you can pick as much as you want, hey, you get to keep the fuckin' cotton. You can keep it.
[1:00] So I was like "Yeah, I'm gonna keep it" and we go to get back on the bus and they're like "Okay kids, turn your bags in", and they take our asses inside, and took all the damn cotton that we had, and then told us to get back on the fuckin' bus.
[1:12] So me, being a little rebel, I took a little handful of cotton, stuffed it in my pocket, and went home.
[1:17] Then, my Mama came, and when she was doin' laundry the next night, she was like "what the fuck, is this cotton in your back pocket?" - I was like "Yeah" - "Where the hell did you get unprocessed cotton from?" - "Well, yesterday on that field trip they took us to a cotton processing plant and we got to pick cotton all day long."
[1:39] My Mama came to the school and - I swear to god - that shit went down. She locked this woman in a room, like "How dare you jive-ass motherfuckers take my kid and all these other ashy li'l negroes to a fuckin' cotton field in the middle of the summer. You fuckin' soulless bitch."
[2:00] She fuckin' checked me outta school, I didn't go to school for three days behind that shit. She said "I don't want to have to look at that bitch". She was pissed at everybody.
[2:10] Yes. That was the most racist shit I have ever gone through in my life. I didn't even understand what was wrong until the next year. I didn't even understand.
[2:18] I just thought we were gonna go have some fun, in the field. So fuck that shit. That was fuckin' sharecropping if I've ever seen it. Shit.
I once had a solo performance for my band. I play the saxophone. I was very nervous at the time, being 10, and I forgot my instrument on the bus ride over to where we were performing. I didn't realize that I didn't have my sax until we were all on stage. I probably looked like a complete jackass when the spotlight shone on me and I just sat there like a fucking idiot.
On a train, I overheard a homeless guy talking to his bicycle like it was a horse. He said, "Be good, or I won't give you a carrot when we get home."
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