Saturday, December 20, 2008

Job History Jokes

Have you been exposed to the "Job History" genre of jokes? They're horrifyingly lame pun jokes... so I find them hilarious and clever. I first heard them from the sitcom "Scrubs" and looked up more. Here are the ones I liked:

My first job was as a programmer, but I couldn't get arrays.

So I became a fisherman, but I discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting.

Then I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

I liked my following stint as a musician, but ultimately found I wasn't note worthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

So I got a job at the shoe factory, but I just didn't fit in. It's fine, since it never touched my sole.

Next I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

After that I gave Starbucks a try for a while, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.

I worked a while as a historian, until I realized there wasn't any future in it.

I worked as a pilot, too, but eventually got grounded for taking off too much.

Then I tried teaching, but I couldn't make the grade.

So I got a job in a gym, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

Of course, I tried being a secretary, but it turned out not to be my type of work.

My following career as a comedian was a stand-up success, but the critics thought I was a big joke.

I tried to work as an accountant, but the job satisfaction just didn't add up.

I was fired from the massage parlor. Apparently, I rubbed people the wrong way.

Then I tried to be a chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.

I was an optician for a while until I made a spectacle of myself.

I gave the frozen food factory a chance, but I got fresh and then they canned me.

My last job was as a butcher, but they fired me when I backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in my work.

There are also longer ones, such as the following:

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate. In fact, the union squeezed me out. They said they'd beat me to a pulp if I tried to return. Told me I was fruity.

So then I got a job as a lumberjack. But I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe. I tried reapplying but they told me I was barking up the wrong tree and wood I just go away. I guess I couldn't see the forest for the trees.

After that, I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. That's okay, it was just a sew-sew job. Seams they were trying to rip me off. I almost lost my shirt. The boss buttonholed me and told me to keep my mouth zipped.

There are so many of these types of jokes, most likely because they're so easy to make up. You can read through many more at this link, or just use google. Let me warn you... a lot of the ones you find will be way lamer than the ones I've already posted.

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